well thats pretty much my state of affairs right now...
am confused and in a perpetual state of conflict!
too many thoughts that cloud my mind and prevent me from clear thinking :(
i have always been the kind who likes to play it safe.. in the sense that i always underplay my strengths, my positive traits as it were... put it in another way i like to always leave that little element of doubt, that little excuse just in case things go wrong...
for example my standard reply to my parents as to how i wrote my exams has been- ok. even though i know it went decently well i like to say OK, just in case things go wrong i have that buffer ready.
in other words i do not want to sound like those over confident people who think they are good when they are actually not ....
like my loved ones keep telling me... i just royally underplay my inherent good traits and am a lil too self critical...
now over years of being told to change im beginning to be a lil less critical and more positive of myself... a sort of meditation course and reading some motivational books i started to try to look at the other end of the spectrum. so i want to start thinking of the good things. start being positive, start thinking that things will happen the way i want them to happen. that the onus is on me to steer my ship in the direction i want it to go...
but somewhere the thinking pattern i adopted for 25 yrs of my life lingers on...
the end result- am completely stressed out, get all unnerved for the smallest thing possible and in a continuous state of conflict and agitation :(
if this is but a transient phase, the experimental and testing phase as it were, before the final result is given shape im more than ready to go through this s@#$.
incoherence if any maybe excused ....
